Because we're off having sex...?
Sexless at 12:26 PM
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
... Because who can say no to a good ol' pick up line?
1. Do you believe in the Freud’s Oedipus Complex? Because you look exactly like my mom.
2. Wow! Those can’t be real...
3. You’re lucky I lowered my standards to talk to you.
4. No worries, you being ugly make me look 10 times hotter.
5. No one else said “yes”, so I guess I’ll ask you...
Becky
1. Do you believe in the Freud’s Oedipus Complex? Because you look exactly like my mom.
2. Wow! Those can’t be real...
3. You’re lucky I lowered my standards to talk to you.
4. No worries, you being ugly make me look 10 times hotter.
5. No one else said “yes”, so I guess I’ll ask you...
Becky
Thursday, November 15, 2007
1. It’s your time of the month. Yes, periods suck. The cramps, the bloating, the mood swings... might as well share the love.2. Boyfriend ditches you for his friends after you specifically took the time to make plans. You have the parts to make him happy (very happy, actually) and yet he’s going to ditch you?! Go ahead, bitch all you want. Video games and drinking over pleasure? His loss.
3. Thanks to Facebook, you’ve just learned that you are currently single and that your boyfriend... Oops... ex-boyfriend is a coward. Asshole.
4. Remember that girl in your residence who told you that you were being “a bit too loud” last night? Well that skank is now stumbling through the halls with a bottle of vodka, groaning “a bit too loud” about how her boyfriend broke up with her.
Fuck hypocrisy.
5. You’re sitting in class when the people sitting in front of you just won’t shut up. I’m sorry, but I don’t need to know about the sexual activities you and John partook in last night. Although congratulations on the multiple orgasms!
Jess
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Man, Kelly’s got someone, and Mavis, and Harold, even found someone like , what is up with that, eh? Because I’ve got, like the looks, and like the charm, and like, the moves! So what’s going on?! If this reminds you of your own feeble love thoughts, maybe the reason you aren’t getting anyone, is because you’re doing something wrong. Maybe you aren’t putting yourself on the meat market, or perhaps your self-respect is a tad too high? Well... Screw self-respect! What you need right now are some quick and easy solutions to grab someone... anyone. So here are 7 ultra shallow ways (you need!) to attract the average ultra shallow soul mate.
1. Spend all your piggy bank money on push up bras. If you want your guy to look you in the face when you talk, make sure your boobs are pushed up to chin level.
2. Clothes? Save some money and just go to school naked. It’s sure to cause some attraction.
3. Staple high powered magnets onto the shallow soul mate and then bring out your oppositely charged high powered magnets.
4. Listen in to his private-male-bonding conversations. When he reveals who he likes, rush over to a good plastic surgeon and try to look as close as you can to his crush. Then, attack!
5. Just give up and turn gay, already!
6. Continue slathering make-up on every morning. There’s no such thing as natural beauty right?
7. Just build a soul mate trap! You can buy them at local hunting shops, although there they call them “bear traps”...
- Becky
Friday, October 26, 2007
Dear Readers,
Okay, Lenny just broke up with you, which is weird, because you were totally out of his league... but nevermind that now. The thing that you’re still puzzled about a month later, is what he actually meant by “It’s not you, it’s me”, or whatever other corny line Lenny picked up from Desperate Housewives the night before and decided to use on you. Well, lucky for you, me, and anyone else who isn’t quite sure what “Let’s just be friends” actually means, here are some easy-peasy-lemon-squeasy translations we can all use in order to save that month trying to figure out what the hell Lenny was trying to say.
"It’s not you, it’s me." It’s definitely you: the way you walk, the way you smack your lips after saying something smart, the way you do that laugh/snort thing, the way... and so on.
"The distance is too great." Any distance is too far, if you lived in my freakin’ basement the distance would still be too far. In fact, I actually wish you lived further, so that this lame line would actually make sense.
"I’m still getting over my past relationship." My sexuality is currently in question.
"Let’s just be friends." If you got a nose job, then maybe, maybe, I’d consider being seen in public with you, maybe.
- Becky
Okay, Lenny just broke up with you, which is weird, because you were totally out of his league... but nevermind that now. The thing that you’re still puzzled about a month later, is what he actually meant by “It’s not you, it’s me”, or whatever other corny line Lenny picked up from Desperate Housewives the night before and decided to use on you. Well, lucky for you, me, and anyone else who isn’t quite sure what “Let’s just be friends” actually means, here are some easy-peasy-lemon-squeasy translations we can all use in order to save that month trying to figure out what the hell Lenny was trying to say.
"It’s not you, it’s me." It’s definitely you: the way you walk, the way you smack your lips after saying something smart, the way you do that laugh/snort thing, the way... and so on.
"The distance is too great." Any distance is too far, if you lived in my freakin’ basement the distance would still be too far. In fact, I actually wish you lived further, so that this lame line would actually make sense.
"I’m still getting over my past relationship." My sexuality is currently in question.
"Let’s just be friends." If you got a nose job, then maybe, maybe, I’d consider being seen in public with you, maybe.
- Becky
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Dear Readers,
Okay, fine, we'll come clean. When we said "sexless in the city", we didn't entirely mean 'sexless'. Like we're obviously not having sex at this very moment, but we do have boyfriends. Great boyfriends.
It's just that since we started university in September, things have had to change. Jess has had to learn how to survive in rez, creating culinary masterpieces with only a microwave and a kettle. While Steph has realized that leaving dirty dishes in the sink on her way to class will not change the fact that they are dirty dishes. Yes, they’ll still be there when you get back.
This sexlessness probably has to do with our expectations. We expected university to be amazing. Independence. Drunken toga parties. Late night take out.
In reality... it’s sexless. There are bills to pay, few drunken orgies and Jess is pretty sure that the majority of guys at her school are gay.
Don’t get us wrong, the university lifestyle has it’s perks, but when it comes down to it...
Are expectations only going to hurt you in the end?
Okay, fine, we'll come clean. When we said "sexless in the city", we didn't entirely mean 'sexless'. Like we're obviously not having sex at this very moment, but we do have boyfriends. Great boyfriends.
It's just that since we started university in September, things have had to change. Jess has had to learn how to survive in rez, creating culinary masterpieces with only a microwave and a kettle. While Steph has realized that leaving dirty dishes in the sink on her way to class will not change the fact that they are dirty dishes. Yes, they’ll still be there when you get back.
This sexlessness probably has to do with our expectations. We expected university to be amazing. Independence. Drunken toga parties. Late night take out.
In reality... it’s sexless. There are bills to pay, few drunken orgies and Jess is pretty sure that the majority of guys at her school are gay.
Don’t get us wrong, the university lifestyle has it’s perks, but when it comes down to it...
Are expectations only going to hurt you in the end?
[Sexless in the city is a new blog targetted toward university students – both male and female. Sex. School. Relationships. There are things that we all deal with. Jess and Steph are the main writers, but you will also see some featured articles written by Becky. If you’d like to be a featured writer, email us at nosexinthecity@hotmail.com]
Labels: introduction sex in the city